The Three Things That Helped Me Choose Life Again
There was a time in my life where going to sleep felt like relief—and waking up felt like disappointment.
Not in a way I talked about openly. Just quietly, consistently… heavy. Like existing was something I had to push through instead of something I wanted to be part of.
I didn’t have one big breaking point.
Until I did.
⚠️ The Moment Everything Shifted
There was a point where everything became too much.
The weight of my thoughts.
The exhaustion. Breathing was a chore.
The feeling of being completely stuck in a life and a body that didn’t feel like mine anymore.
But the truth is—it didn’t start there.
I had spent a lifetime carrying things that were never mine to carry.
Experiencing things I never deserved.
Trying to survive situations with people I was meant to be able to trust the most.
None of it I asked for.
None of it I deserved.
And all of it… I am still healing from.
By the time I reached that moment, I was completely worn down—mentally, physically, emotionally.
I had reached a place where I had written letters to the people I love.
Where everything felt final.
I was closer to not being here than I ever want to be again.
At that time, I was also physically at my lowest point.
I was over 200kg, almost bedridden, and completely disconnected from myself. Even the smallest things felt impossible. Everything felt heavy—my body, my mind, my life.
And then something shifted.
Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just enough.
A pause.
A thought.
A quiet feeling that said—wait.
Not for anyone else. Not out of guilt or pressure.
But because, somewhere deep down, I realised I didn’t actually want to disappear.
I just didn’t want to feel the way I had been feeling anymore.
And in that moment, something changed.
I chose to stay.
For myself.
And for my kids.
Because I had to.
🌿 Medical Cannabis
This is one of those topics people have strong opinions about—but for me, it became a tool that helped me get through a time when my body and mind were both struggling.
I was dealing with weeks on end of insomnia. The kind where your body is exhausted, but your mind won’t switch off. BPD, anxiety, depression &ptsd were all working against me and I’d exhausted all medication options without success or with severe side effects.
On top of that, I was in some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced—caused by adenomyosis, endometriosis and PCOS.
It was constant. Draining. Hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.
Medical cannabis didn’t fix everything.
But it gave me relief.
It helped me sleep when I hadn’t slept properly in weeks.
It took the edge off the physical and mental pain enough for me to cope.
It gave my body a break when I desperately needed one.
And when your body finally gets a moment of rest, your mind can start to follow.
For me, that mattered more than anything. I am forever thankful for that.
💉 Ozempic
Another controversial one!
For me, this wasn’t just about weight—it was about survival. I was not just overweight I was dangerously close to being critically ill, I’d tried everything and I was afraid I would not see my kids grow up.
I needed something to help me get unstuck. Something that would support me in changing the physical side of what I was going through, because it was all connected.
Using Ozempic helped shift something—not just physically, but mentally too.
It gave me momentum.
It helped me feel like I had some control again. Like I could make changes and actually see them happen.
And when you’ve felt stuck for a long time, that kind of shift can be life-changing. So far I’m 70kgs down and I have gained back so much more of an appreciation for life than I could ever have hoped for.
✨ The Inner Shift
This is the hardest one to explain—and the most important.
At some point, something in me changed.
Not overnight. Not in some big, cinematic moment.
Just a quiet decision:
What if I started choosing myself?
Not in a selfish way.
In a survival way.
I started making small choices that reflected someone who actually wanted to be here.
Resting when I needed to.
Spending time outside.
Saying no.
Letting things be imperfect.
I stopped waiting to feel better before I lived differently—and started living differently, even when I didn’t feel better yet.
And slowly, something softened.
And through all of this, I’ve realised something important:
I am doing this healing on my own.
Not because I should have had to—but because I’ve had to learn how to.
And despite everything I’ve been through, I am stronger now than I have ever been.
🌱 Where I Am Now
I’m not “fixed.”
I still have hard days. I still get overwhelmed. I still question things.
But I don’t wake up disappointed anymore.
And that, for me, is everything.
🌿 If You’re In That Place
If you’re reading this and you know that feeling—the heaviness, the quiet exhaustion of just existing…
You’re not broken.
And even if your path looks nothing like mine, that doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
Sometimes it’s not about finding the perfect solution.
It’s about finding anything that gives you enough space to keep going.
And then building from there.
🌱 A Final Thought
Every day is still a fight for me.
Some days are easier than others. Some days feel heavier than I’d like to admit.
But I’m still here.
And I’m not ready to give up.
Not on myself. Not on my life. Not on the version of me I’m still becoming.
Because sometimes strength doesn’t look like thriving.
Sometimes it just looks like staying.
And that is enough.
🤍 A Gentle Note
This is my personal experience. What helped me won’t be right for everyone—and that’s okay.
If you’re struggling, please reach out to someone you trust or a support service in your area. You don’t have to do it alone.
✌️🩷
Megan
